Dating Japanese Women: What’s It Really Like?

Do you want to know what dating a Japanese woman is really like?

Dating in any culture has its own rules and pitfalls but there is no surprise that when East meets West, you can find yourself a little out of your depth. Dating in Japan can be hit and miss for foreign men with some women finding western men appealing in a novelty way whilst others would rather gouge out their own eyes than date anyone who wasn’t ‘Made in Japan’. Unfortunately, there’s no magic bullet to dating Japanese women but we do have some general observations, advice and no-no’s that might help you.

So in this guide, we take a look at why westerners are drawn to Japanese women and what you can expect when dating a woman from Japan.




What’s the Appeal of Japanese Women?

According to a recent survey (granted it was undertaken by a Japanese lingerie company) 98% of foreign men (gaijins) find Japanese women to be cute.

The average Japanese woman is petite at 5’ 2” with a slim figure, small feet and the alluring Asian beauty of pale skin, large eyes and an inviting, soft mouth. With healthy diets they age well and don’t have a tendency to get fat as well as ensuring their skin stays flawless.

Japanese women strive for the doll look that is popular in Asia and can be seen in the anime characters of Hentai. From the way they apply makeup to accentuate their eyes to the feminine dress they wear, Japanese women take care of their appearance and make an effort to look good.

With a long culture and tradition of women looking after men, Japanese women are very adept at entertaining and accommodating their men. They attend to this ‘duty’ very well and can be filial towards their partners family. It may seem like an outdated stereotype but does ring true in lots of ways. Don’t confuse this with submissiveness or docility; Japanese women can be ball-busters too. Certainly, in modern Japan, women are far more assertive and dominant; nevertheless, there is an underlying and deep-seated knowledge of the power a woman has when she ‘accommodates’ her man. Manipulative? Maybe, but everyone’s a winner.

date a japanese woman

Demure? Don’t bank on it. Japanese women can be ballsy and forthright. Image via Flickr.

However, Japanese women are known for being very loyal and they believe strongly in being faithful to their men; however, they can be very forgiving of infidelity in their partners (see Long Term Prognosis below. Ladylike in public but often quite adventurous and energetic in the bedroom, there’s not a lot about dating a Japanese woman that you won’t like.

On the flip side, the lingerie company’s survey found that foreign men found several unappealing aspects of Japanese women including their pigeon-toed way of walking, particularly when in high heels. Apparently, their lack of finesse in this department results in a clumsy and awkward gait that gaijins find unappealing. Equally unattractive was their way of talking, their voices and mannerisms.

Japanese Men and Sexless Relationships

There is some evidence that Japanese men, despite the fact that the country has one of the biggest sex markets in the world, just aren’t into sex in a relationship. A study conducted by The Japan Family Planning Association recently reported that almost 50% of men regularly did not have sex for a month at time and, combined with the evidence of sexless marriages and the lowest birth rate in Asian, it seems that conventional relationships in Japan don’t revolve around sex.

sexless japanese relationship

Japanese relationships can lack sex and some women look to foreigners for romance. Image via Flickr.

That doesn’t mean that Japanese women aren’t interested in sex. It just seems that the cultural effect of a nation that can sample sex outside of a relationship combined with a huge focus on work and careers may place less importance on sex in a relationship.

What does this mean for gaijins? Well, Japanese women who are looking for sex in a relationship tend to find that they are more likely to get sex (and affection) with a foreigner than with their compatriot men. Where do they get this idea? It seems that a lot of Japanese women are under the impression that Western guys are a lot like men in Hollywood films; emotionally sensitive, good listeners, attentive and romantic. Good news for us as long as we don’t blow this myth on the first date.

The Power of Status

In modern Japan status and success are indicators of virility and Japanese women respond more to men who are career motivated than by looks. It’s not that uncommon when you think about it as many ugly rich guys often sport young beautiful models on their arms. But in Japan, status is a common currency.

dating japanese women wealth power status

A lot of women are turned on by wealth and status but more so in Japan. Image via Flickr.

Of course, there is the power of the exotic that comes along with dating a foreigner that some Japanese women find intoxicating; as an accessory, gaijins are ‘cool’.

Where to Find Japanese Women

If you hang out in expat bars then you can find the kind of Japanese women who want to date foreign men, known as ‘Gaijin Hunters’, these are serial gaijin daters; Japanese women who only want to find themselves a western man. With a fixation on a certain European type, these women aren’t hard to find and will eventually find you; bar, supermarket or in the park, at some point you may be picked up by a gaijin hunter.

Dating in Japan: Some Tips

Dating in Japan? The rules in the land of the rising sun differ from those in the west so we’ve come up with a quick rundown of some tips to improve your chances of making the right first impression.

  • Public shows of affection don’t go down well in Japan and, as a result, Japanese women don’t respond well to hand-holding or even a kiss goodnight on a first date. When out in public, remember this cultural taboo. However, this doesn’t mean that Japanese women don’t want or even like this kind of affection; they just don’t expect it.
  • Always pay on your first date (if not, subsequent ones too). Japanese women are aroused by success, wealth and status so ‘going Dutch’ would diminish your virility in her eyes.
  • Read between the lines. Japanese women have a tendency to not say what they mean. Perhaps this is a result of their culture of accommodating their men but often you can find that they say one thing when the mean something entirely different. It’s no good asking again and again because you will often get the same answer (usually, what you want to hear) but you may need to try and decode more than the usual female language barrier.

Long Term Prognosis

Many Japanese women are quite happy to date foreign men but when it comes to marriage or a serious relationship there is a strong cultural tie to marrying Japanese. Just something to be aware of if things are getting heavy. Of course, there are plenty of exceptions to this and having a steady relationship with a Japanese woman as a foreigner is totally possible.  

However, if you do get into a more serious relationship then you may need to adapt some aspects of your lifestyle to fit into the Japanese culture. One big thing is that Japanese women hold the purse strings in a relationship. Whilst men are still widely perceived as the breadwinners, it is the role of the woman to manage the finances.

dating japanese women serious relationship

Dating a Japanese woman – can it last? Image via Flickr.

Another aspect to cater for is the tendency of Japanese women not to speak their minds. Whilst we’ve covered this in a dating scenario, it can be perceived as passive aggression in a relationship.

In any relationship, sex can diminish over time both in frequency and in quality but there seems to be an accepted rule in Japan that this will happen, particularly if you have a child. Perhaps it is this reason that the sex industry is booming as many Japanese men have mistresses or preferred services that they use regularly.

Lastly, if you have a child with a Japanese woman (and many Japanese women are seriously into having a half Caucasian/half Asian child) then you have no custodial rights if you ever leave the country.

Featured image via Wikimedia Commons.

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